By Anna Aparicio
A coaching client and I were having a chat the other day.
Her man is just not as romantic and attentive as he was at the beginning.
On top of this, she always said she’d like to be married and have at least one child by the time she’s 30.
She’s now 31 and depressed.
I asked would she like to know the reason she’s depressed. The real reason, not the reason she wants to hear; like all men are assholes, you deserve better, etc, etc.
Expectation – I said – expectation is the root of all suffering.
You expect your other half to do the things they did at the beginning. You reminisce, romanticize, compare the past to the present, and as a result you feel like shit.
To add hundreds and thousands to the cake, you expect your partner to produce a ring, a wedding and a baby by a certain date. You daydream, idealise, compare your present to your friends’, and as a result you feel like shit.
You feel like shit not because of him, but because of your big ego.
Expectation kills relationships.
Because you don’t allow them to be, grow and flourish at their own pace.
Instead of relaxing, sitting back and enjoying the moment, you’re depressed because you can’t get the past back, or anxious because you can’t force the future you want.
When you’re at the mercy of your ego, you will experience times of pleasure, but also times of pain in equal or larger quantities.
Is your ego slowly killing your relationship?
Are you constantly trying to fix him, change him, mould him into the man you think he should be?
If so, you’d better get the tissues and the Prozac out because you’re going to need them.
Or, if you’ve reached a place where you’re fed up of suffering, of being miserable, you can always start to practice some mindfulness.
More about this next week…