I grew up watching my dad play Casanova and mum play the victim, and I couldn’t find love. No matter how hard I tried, it always came back to my childhood.
How does a perfectly beautiful, intelligent, self-sufficient woman end up in a completely dysfunctional, heart breaking, self-esteem crushing relationship?
According to statistics, this is easier than you think.
Relationship experts state that all we have to do is take a look at our own parents’ relationship, to unearth the answers.
My father was a super charming Casanova type of man, who loved attention. He was also an EUM; an emotionally unavailable man.
There was no ‘I love you’, no cuddles, no play time. He worked a lot, so I didn’t see much of him. I spent my childhood desperately trying to win his attention and his love, to no avail.
‘You’re good for nothing’ and ‘are you silly, or what?’ seemed to be his favourite catchphrases. When a person hears this type of negative communication, on a daily basis, they can end up believing it is the way to behave.
Mum was perfect for him. She was your self-sacrificing, need-to-be-needed pleaser, who played the victim role to Academy awards standard.
She gave, he took. I love my mum, but this is just the situation that occurred. A situation that I witnessed so often as a child.
In fact, my beautiful mum gave everything she had, including her self-respect, her self-worth, and even her health.
She’s spent a lifetime-and-a-half on anti-depressants.
So, it’s no surprise, that from a young age, I was drawn to charismatic, selfish, controlling men.
I gave, they took.
In fact, I gave everything I had, including my self-respect, my self-worth and my self-esteem.
Not everyone I dated was like this by the way. In fact, if they weren’t like this they seemed awfully uninteresting and boring. There was just no chemistry.
It took me the best part of 40 years to realize I’d been serial dating men who were just like my dad.
I suffered unbearable pain before I decided I needed to break free from a lifetime of unconscious patterns that almost killed me.
Why am I sharing such an incredibly personal story with you?
Because I know for a fact I’m not the exception, but the norm.
The good news is things can change. But before they do, you’re going to have to change.
It takes time, effort and expert help. But I’m now 100% certain that the next relationship I get into is going to be healthy, functional and amazing. Everything I deserve. Everything any woman (and man) deserves.
Women’s Mentor, Yoga Teacher & Reiki Healer